#BlameTrump: America gets the drinks it deserves, with the return of Zima

Zima

Zima is not Zexy

Before there were date rape drugs, there was Zima.

There, I said it.

Zima is technically a malt beverage and in practice something on which high school students get wasted to feel like Big Boys and Girls. It has an ABV of 5%, and on the tongue it’s unsubtle while also managing to be nearly flavourless, so even non-drinkers found it an easy, accessible way to onboard alcohol. Think of it as a pre-Smirnoff Ice Smirnoff Ice.

On North American retail shelves from 1994 right through to 2008, it’s been popular in Japan all along as possibly the perfect vending machine booze. Corporate overlords MillerCoors have decided that, since everything now sucks and being inexpensively drunk for the next four years is a proactive game plan in America, it is the perfect time to resurrect this less sophisticated cousin of Bartles & Jaymes.

Doc Martens optional.

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