You probably grew up with the charmingly antiquated idea that in order to obtain food, you needed to actually grow it yourself or work at a real job to earn money with which to buy it. Yeah, me too. Clearly, since I have made a living off the internet for the last dozen years, this idea is completely out of date, and has been replaced with alternate plans like rummaging around on the beach, dumpster diving, being someone’s Plus One, owning a cat with remarkable birth defects and exhibiting it in the media, and so on.
Like, crowdsourcing. You know what I mean: Kickstartering, Indiegogoing, GoFundMeing, WePaying. YouCaring-ing. Online marketplaces where people lay out their needs and aspirations, and random strangers shun them or shower them in sweet dollah-dollahs.
And of these, the greatest is Kickstarter.
So it was to Kickstarter that Zach “Danger” Brown from Columbus, Ohio turned in his hour of need. Well, not “need” so much. More like want. Except he wasn’t really in want. He just wanted…to make potato salad. And he figured it would take about ten bucks (high, if you ask me, unless you’re putting bacon in there, which is so three years ago) so he decided to outsource that to the interwebs, and they did not disappoint.
Behold, the stats for his potato salad fundraiser:
days to go
pledged of $10 goal
For potato salad.
Edited to update: $51,945 is what he ended up with.
Proving yet again that it’s not the quality of the cause, it’s the catchiness of the pitch. In this case, the pitch was hilariously po-faced, bald, post-ironic, which proved irresistible to an America suffering through the bleak void of the summer rerun season.
I’m making potato salad.
Basically I’m just making potato salad. I haven’t decided what kind yet.
No, seriously, that was it. No video or nothing. And he raised a thousand dollars a day, and has 27 days left in which he will probably top that rate, because he’s only going to get more famous.
This, friends, this is what crowdfunding has come to: Crackstarters and potatoes. If you want to support an actual good cause, click over here to help reunite the Ochoa family, who has been getting what used to be colloquially referred to as The Shaft from what is called the System since before it was a family.