Let me tell you a little tale of Twitter. WAIT, WAIT, don’t click away; there’s booze in the story!
There, now that I have your attention we can proceed.
So, one day I was on Twitter, nattering about gin as I do not-infrequently, and someone from Victoria asked what I thought of “the home team,” Victoria Gin. And, as is my wont, I went off on a rant, as I am all Team Hendricks, as we know, and while Victoria is a very floral gin, which I like, it is also light-bodied and volatile enough to be practically gaseous, which I do not like. And I said that, or words to that effect. I believe what I said was, “if you take the top off the bottle, the paint starts peeling from the walls,” or suchlike, for lo, I am way diplomatic and shizz.
The next thing I know, the rep for Victoria Gin is hitting me up on Twitter, saying “Sorry you didn’t like it, but we’ve changed the way we distill it and I’d like to give you a bottle to try the next time you’re in town.”
Truly, there is no better way to get my attention than to say “please may I give you a free bottle of gin,” and so a beautiful friendship was born. Sadly, while the gin has noticeably improved, it’s still a very light-bodied liquid and not as smooth as I’d like to see, particularly at a premium price point. I’ve also tried the Oaken Gin, and while it’s an interesting addition to blended drinks, it’s more a novelty product than anyone’s main choice of tipple.
They have a new product, Hempen Vodka to wit, and let me just say that while I am so NOT all about the hemp products being perhaps the last person who ever worked for Greenpeace never to have touched pot (not even when I had cancer; the stuff just makes my toes curl with revulsion at that nauseating smell), and while I am so NOT all about the vodka, believing (along with all right-thinking people) that vodka is for people who want to get drunk but who don’t like, you know, drinking, I LOVE THIS HEMPEN VODKA.
The bumph from Victoria says:
On the nose there is a subtle organic sweetness. On tasting, a rich silky texture is elicited by the smooth oils of the hemp hearts. Notes of hazelnut and a hint of spice are also present. The finish is long, clean and refreshing.
Which is good as far as it goes, but I’d put it somewhat more pithily, and in fact am about to do so. I’d say:
Imagine you just had sex with the sexiest hippie you’ve ever seen. (If you can’t think of a sexy hippie, go watch Viggo in Walk on the Moon, or just some old Doors clips.) Okay, you’ve just had sex with that. Now, imagine putting your nose in the hollow of his throat and sniffing deeply. THAT is what Victoria Hempen Vodka tastes like.